Putting It Down
by whirligig
Summary: Complete. Chapter 4 added - Who are you and what have you done with Gil Grissom? GSR.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Putting It Down Ch. 1

Pairing: GS

Summary: Those annoying gaps in Nesting Dolls. I can't stand it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Alliance Atlantis, and others own everything. No infringement is intended. Don't sue me. Just spacing out in my own little world.

Spoilers: Snakes, Nesting Dolls, etc. S5

_Oh no, a WIP. I fear WIPs. I will probably frustrate anyone who reads this – I write slowly. Apologies in advance._

_I can say happily: Look, actual dialogue! Look, I actually wrote something else! Thank you everyone who encouraged me on my first story. And GraveDigger: there WILL be actual fluff at some point. Just for you : )_

_

* * *

_

She was incredibly bored, and she had days to go before she could go back to work. She didn't know which was worse: the frustration of being suspended or the thought of going back to work and having to deal with Ecklie and Catherine. She stared at the notebook on the table, and decided she didn't want to think about that either. She couldn't even believe that she still had a job, thanks to Grissom.

Problem was, she'd exhausted almost every activity she could think of to avoid thinking about things. She'd watched all her DVDs, skimmed all her unread books, and done all of the miscellaneous chores around the house that never got done. She'd even ventured out into the daytime world – the bookstore, the specialty markets she favored, the electronics/DVD/CD/everything-you-could-possibly-want store. She'd even slept, pretty well in fact, the first couple of days. She stared at the offending notebook, knowing she was going to have to deal with _that_ before she could sleep any more.

She'd been surprised at how long he'd held her hand…not to mention the fact he'd done it at all. She'd been too upset to notice, like she usually did, any of the subtle clues in his expression that clued her in on the fact she was making him uncomfortable. At first she refused to tell him anything. She'd tried to be nice about it – it was Grissom, after all, and she just couldn't throw any sarcastic or bitchy comments at him to make him leave. She figured his emotions would surface, or hers would finally make him uncomfortable, and he'd run away like he usually did.

He didn't, though. He waited her out, speaking softy but firmly, and when he ran out of words or she refused to respond, he played solitaire on her coffee table. She stared at him, but he just raised his eyebrow infuriatingly at her. That cycle went on for an hour, at least. She couldn't believe he just sat there. She wasn't sure, either, if he was doing it out of a sense of professional obligation or if he actually cared, but she finally decided he must care at least a little bit, and she was tired.

When she started crying, she was hardly paying any attention to him anymore. The next thing she knew he was grasping her hand, but instead of holding it awkwardly like he had that night at the police station, his grip was firm. He didn't let go, either, not even when she'd calmed down. He didn't let go for a long time.

They had talked for quite awhile. After she'd told him the details of her father's death, she was appalled at herself.

"I'm sorry." she murmured. "As if I hadn't complicated your life enough, making you uncomfortable around me and wreaking havoc at work, now you find out I'm a basket case."

"Don't be ludicrous, Sara. You wouldn't have gotten this far with the accomplishments you've made despite the circumstances. You've never struck me as the self-pitying type, so I don't know why you'd think that would be my perception of you."

Her lip trembled, and she stared at the floor. Grissom mentally kicked himself.

"I'm just not good at this." he sighed. "But I want to _try_." He waited for her to look at him. He squeezed her hand, and she raised her eyes. "I want to try, if you'll let me."

"What I meant to say," he continued, "is that when I think of you, strong is one of the first adjectives that come to mind. There is no way I would ever think of you as a basket case."

"I don't want you to see me as damaged goods, Grissom. I don't want anyone to see me that way." she said, a little defiantly.

"I realize I have a mind-blowing lack of communication skills, but there is no chance of that. Just bear with me." he replied. She almost smiled then.

"I'll miss work." She said at one point. "I'm not sure what I'll do."

Grissom took a deep breath. He had made it this far. He had finally reached out to her. It wasn't exactly the romantic opportunity he had hoped for, but he had come, not just because the thought of Sara leaving sent him into a familiar and gut-wrenching panic, but also because he had sensed something was different this time. The case, her unusual and public hostility towards Catherine, the defiance she'd not even tried to curb with Ecklie…she hadn't even spoken to anyone before she'd left. Greg had been around, and so had Warrick. She was gone before they even heard the first bit of gossip. It had all screamed meltdown, and when he saw the photographs from the hospitals she'd been using to find one of the victims, he had a sinking feeling that some of his suspicions about Sara's demons were going to be confirmed.

He hung around long enough to listen to Ecklie sputter his ultimatum. He realized he honestly felt he had nothing to lose anymore, and he left.

"Let me deal with work." he told Sara.

"How, Grissom? Ecklie wants me gone. Catherine will probably never forgive me, either."

"If I can convince Ecklie to let you come back, do you still want to?" he asked. "More importantly, Sara, if you come back, do you think you can make a fresh start?"

She bit her lip, and Grissom waited anxiously. "I'll help you, Sara. In fact, I insist on it. I'll do whatever I can. I'll watch out for you. But you have to let me, and you have to let me know what's going on. Last time I left you to deal with it on your own, and now I'm feeling really guilty for that."

"I can't let you risk your job for me, Grissom. That's everything to you." She shook her head. She couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"It's not everything lately. And it's even less now." He paused while they both considered that; Sara now not believing what was coming out of _his_ mouth, and Grissom wondering if she had any idea that he'd finally realized work just wasn't an excuse where she was concerned, anymore. She was looking at him with a strange mixture of suspicion and amazement.

"Do you trust me?" he said softly. "I know you probably don't, in some ways, and that's my fault, but can you trust me in this, and talk to me?" He was quaking inside.

"Yes." she said firmly, after a moment_. I want to,_ she thought. _I have to._

"Then let me deal with it." She watched his face, looking for a sign that he was relieved she wasn't quitting the lab, or that he was being an obligated boss. But his gaze was impenetrable.

"I'll go back and see what I can accomplish with Ecklie." Grissom said. "But Sara, I'm much more concerned about why this happened, not how to fix it."

"I know." she murmured, staring at the floor again.

"Sara…I'm not lecturing, I'm not advising…I want to help you…you get that, don't you?"

She sighed and looked at him. "I hear you. I'm just not sure if I believe it or not. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's just the way I feel."

She could tell it hurt anyway. His eyes clouded and he looked away from her for a moment, out the window.

Finally, he spoke, slowly and with several long pauses. She watched the struggle in his eyes, how nervous he was.

"You have every right to distrust me. I'm just asking for you to give me a chance to help you with the anger and pain you have at what happened to you. Then, maybe I'll have a chance to earn your forgiveness." He paused, taking considerable time to try and figure out what to say. To get the courage to say it. Finally he looked back at her.

"I am so sorry, and angry and upset, about what you've told me today. I'm not even sure how to process it yet. The thought of you going through that…" he faltered. "…it makes me crazy, Sara." He took another deep breath, and looked away from her wide eyes. It was taking everything he had to get the words out. _Why does this have to be so hard_, he wondered.

"I'm honored and grateful, that you chose to tell me, in spite of everything. I want to help. I know I can't make it go away…but I want to take the power away from all those memories so they don't haunt you anymore. I mean, I know you have to be the one to do that, but…I think that's the only way you'll be able to escape the hold they have on you. There has to be a way to do that, and I want to help you figure out how."

He finally got the courage to look at her again, and found her staring at him still. Her eyes looked like the tears were welling up in them again, and he was momentarily confused, but he forced himself to finish anyway.

"Give me a chance at redemption, Sara. I can start by being your friend, and helping you with this."

She couldn't help it, she started crying again. Grissom looked like he was about to come unhinged with worry. She forced herself to stop, and wiped her eyes furiously.

"Don't mind me, I'm just an emotional puddle of nerves." She told him. _That was the understatement of the year,_ she thought, but she could hardly digest the fact that Grissom had just basically asked for her forgiveness, for a chance to be her friend and maybe more. She'd told him her secret, and not only had he responded with support, he had opened up to her as well.

She reached out and touched his arm, very briefly. "OK." she said, trying to sound strong and resolute. And because her brain was in total shock, and she absolutely couldn't say anything else.

"OK?" he asked, still worried.

"Yes. I want to get over this. I miss who I used to be. You feel free to tell me whatever you're thinking. Bug me." She smiled at her terrible joke, and he rolled his eyes. Inside though, he was shouting with relief.

"I will bug you. You'll probably get mad at me, but I'm not letting you shove this back into a dark corner somewhere, Sara."

"OK." She said.

"Thank you." He said, so softly she almost didn't hear him.

"I guess I should go in to work, then." he finally said, after awhile. "I'll deal with Ecklie. Will you try to get some rest? I'll call you as soon as I can after shift, and let you know what's going on."

She nodded. He stood up, and she walked him to the door. She opened it, and turned to face him.

"Thanks," She said softly. "for already starting to be a friend."

He blinked, and then smiled shyly, for the first time that day. "You're welcome. Bye, Sara."

Grissom managed to get to his car before he started shaking. He wished madly for a cigarette, and then decided he was absolutely not going to think about his personal feelings until he had gone to the lab and dealt with Ecklie. It was time to play hardball. He could fall apart later. He did it on cases all the time, it was the least he could do for her.

Sara went inside, actually managed a nap, and then waited for him to call.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Putting It Down Ch. 2 

Pairing: GS

Summary: Those annoying gaps in Nesting Dolls. I can't stand it. More filling in of gaps here.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Alliance Atlantis, and others own everything. No infringement is intended. Don't sue me. Just spacing out in my own little world.

Spoilers: Snakes, Nesting Dolls, etc. S5

_Sorry if this chapter seems slow – setting things up for later, and anyway, I'm still reeling from this weeks "Unbearable" fiasco. That's my excuse._

_Many thanks to Taramis, Rokothepas, Chicklit, Eaglesei, Gravedigger and Laura Katharine for their continued reviews, and everyone else for taking the time. I hope I don't appear to be groveling, but I'm really happily shocked and appreciative of the kind comments. I'll shut up now._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 2

He had called roughly 24 hours later, midmorning after the next shift. Sara was curled up on her couch, watching TV without much interest when the phone rang.

He sounded tired. "Hello, Sara. It's Grissom." he always identified himself formally, like she wouldn't know his voice after all these years.

"Hi." she managed.

"How are you doing?" Grissom asked.

"I'm alright, Grissom…what happened? How bad is it?"

Grissom sighed. He'd already decided to be honest as possible with her about the events in Ecklie's office, because things were just too serious for her not to know.

"When I got to the lab, Ecklie already had an email waiting for me, regarding your discipline. Catherine was in his office with him. I told him I wasn't going to fire you, and she asked me what action I _was_ taking. I told her I'd already taken it, and they didn't ask me to elaborate."

"Basically I told Ecklie your behavior was a result of my mismanagement, and he made some snarky comment about maybe I was the one who should be fired. I decided to call his bluff, and when I did, he backed off." Grissom paused, hoping that would satisfy Sara.

It didn't. "He didn't just back off." she said incredulously.

"No, he then proceeded to say that you were a loose cannon and were my responsibility." He paused. "He thinks you're going to go off, Sara, and now he's got my word that I'll take full responsibility for it. I'm starting to wonder if that wasn't what he wanted all along."

Sara's mind was racing, but she managed to ask, "What about Catherine?"

Grissom sighed again. "Catherine…well, she didn't push me, but she looked pretty cozy with Ecklie. That's been happening for a while. She just stared at me. I'm sure I'll have her storming my office soon, but at least she didn't question me in front of him."

He didn't elaborate any further. He wasn't sure about Catherine anymore. On the one hand he had thought her silence meant she was giving him a chance to talk about it later, but he also knew she could just be playing it safe politically. He knew enough to realize she'd be looking out for herself in all these recent events. Grissom just hoped she didn't decide to side with Ecklie more than she already appeared to be because of what she saw as Sara's attack on her.

He waited. Sara could hear him rifling through a cabinet, and the clink of a glass.

"I can't believe you bluffed him about your job, Grissom…you shouldn't have done that."

"Well, I did," he replied, "and now he'll be waiting for either you or I to screw up in any way possible. I've never really drawn a line with him, you know, and now that I have, I have no way of knowing what will happen."

Sara snorted. "He'll be out to get both of us."

Grissom was quiet for a moment.

"I think he's out to get me, more than you." he said quietly. "But he won't go after me directly, and he'll use you and anything or anyone else he can to get to me. I basically declared war today, Sara – that was my choice. I don't, however, want him hurting you to get to me, and I may have increased the chances of that when I was trying to protect you by putting myself on the line instead."

Sara felt her stomach sink. "He started by breaking up your team. And I played right into his little plan by giving him an excuse to get rid of me. Now he's got the added option, since you stuck up for me, of setting you up to fail if I screw up any more."

"I'm sure he sees that as a bonus." Grissom stated flatly.

She felt terrible. She had been resigned, even after Grissom had left her apartment, to the very real possibility that he wouldn't be able to get anywhere with Ecklie. She hadn't really thought it out, but she certainly wouldn't have thought Grissom would decide to put himself on the line. He had done it for Warrick and Catherine, though. Maybe with her his motives were more personal, but she didn't know whether to believe that or not. He may have put his job on the line for her, but it was just safer to think he was doing it for the reasons he usually did – the job. In any case, he had been there for her, and Sara decided she owed it to him to do whatever was necessary to rectify the mess she had caused and help him fight Ecklie.

"Grissom," she said softly. "I'm sorry I put you in this mess. What do you want me to do?"

He didn't miss a beat. "I want you to get better, Sara. No matter what happens. That doesn't really have anything to do with work, although it would certainly help both of us at work. I want you to work through…everything, and let me help you do that. I have some suggestions. That's what I want to see happen outside work."

"I need you one hundred percent at work. Like you used to be. I depend on you there more than you realize. Especially now. Greg's doing well, but he's still learning, and we both need to watch out for him. Sophia…she's an unknown. She does good work, but I have no idea if she'll stay around and I don't know her well enough to trust her. I don't have my perfect team anymore, and Ecklie knows it. You're the only one left I can count on that is experienced and fully capable."

"I'm going to have to spend more time than I'd like learning how to play politics in the future, Sara, and I need to know that the cases are being worked to the letter, that Greg's being supervised well, and that protocol is being followed. Sooner or later, Ecklie will screw up." _It's going to be a race to see who does first: him or me,_ he thought.

He sighed. "I was trying to _simplify_ my job, so I could …" Grissom faltered and trailed off.

"Well," Sara said, "I don't know what your suggestions are about my, um, personal problems, but I'm willing to listen, Grissom. And as far as work's concerned, I learned my lesson about my temper, and I promise I will be very careful considering the politics. I can make sure cases get done correctly, and watch out for Greg. I can perform my job the way I used to. Whatever ways I can watch out for you like you have for me, I will."

She hoped that sounded convincing. She actually felt pretty good about it.

"I don't expect you to apologize straight out to Ecklie, Sara, but I need you to at least be civil to him for now. And learn not to lose your temper with him, of all people, anymore."

She laughed and tried her best to sound confident. "Actually, I'm probably more politically savvy than you are. I can be polite and civil to his face, anyway. I'll make a point, when I get back, to let him know that. What about Catherine?"

"I know better than to ask you and Catherine to apologize to each other…" Grissom began.

Sara snorted.

"I'm going to feel her out, and if I get anywhere, I'll let you know." Grissom left it at that. Frankly, he was pretty confused about Catherine. He considered her a good friend, and up until now, he'd thought he could trust her despite her ambitions. Now he wondered if the best he could hope for was for Catherine to remain neutral, if his situation with Ecklie (or Sara, for that matter) escalated.

"You know, I never wanted to squabble with Catherine, from the start." Sara mumbled. "I know she saw me as a threat at first, but I thought we got past that. Sometimes we get along, and sometimes not, and most of the time I'm not sure why. She's volatile too, you know."

"She can be." he replied. "She's also ruthless, though, in a way you are not, so I'd be happy if the two of you just stayed out of each other's way."

Sara started, surprised, but he didn't elaborate.

"I know your take on any further counseling." Grissom continued after a moment.

"Well, it hasn't really helped so far." she said a little defensively.

"Then my suggestion would be to counsel yourself, with some guidance from books, the support of a friend –that would be me – and maybe think about some kind of support group, where you could at least talk to other people with similar backgrounds."

Silence from Sara. He could feel her trepidation over the phone.

"There are a lot of good psychological resources, Sara. I think if you looked into the psychology of what has happened to you by reading about it yourself, you'd be much better prepared to deal with it and how it affects you now. It's not much different from having a medical condition. You need to educate yourself. It's a way to take control and empower yourself."

"I'm going to research it too." He continued. "I'm going to get you started with a few books, and I'm going to expect you to discuss them with me. Not in boring detail or to the point you're sick of talking to me, but a discussion."

"I can be your experiment." she joked.

"I can't fix things for you. You have to do it yourself." Grissom stated.

"Oh, I know." she sighed. "I suppose you are talking about one of those beaten women support groups, or something, too?"

"If you could go to a group like that, I think it might help. I'm a good listener, but I simply don't have the same experiences as you do. I have events in my own past I can use to correlate, but the experiences are different. I think you might find talking to people who have very similar experiences to yours a good thing, if you can stop trying to help them long enough to let them help you."

"I'm a very private person, Grissom. You of all people should understand that."

"I do understand that. I think you'll find the people in groups like that do also. I'm going to research it and see what's available locally, and I want you to think about it." he finished firmly.

She was quiet for a few moments. She thought she could deal with the idea of reading a lot of psychology and testimony, but the idea of going to a support group had always rubbed her the wrong way. It admitted weakness even more than telling Grissom had been admitting weakness, in her skewed way of looking at it. However, there wasn't much choice anymore. Nothing else was working, she was tired of it messing up her life, and Grissom had put himself on the line for her, after all.

"I guess I'm just used to keeping it all such a secret, for so long, it's really hard for me to consider. But I'll try, Grissom."

"Good." he sounded relieved.

"You sound really tired. Go get some sleep." she ordered.

"I intend to. I also intend to bring you some books in a few days. I'll call you first."

"OK." she sighed. "Bye."

"Goodnight."

True to his word, Grissom had called two days later, before making another visit to her apartment on his way to work. She opened the door to find him holding a large plastic bag from the local Border's bookstore.

"I don't have much time." he apologized.

"That's OK. Come in."

He stood hesitantly, and she wasn't sure if he was in too much of a hurry to sit, or was just uncomfortable. _Maybe he thinks I'm going to break down every time he comes over,_ she thought. Poor Grissom.

"That's for me?" she said brightly, pointing at the bag.

He handed it to her, and she took it over to the coffee table, pulling out books as she went. "I know you're in a hurry. Just give me a rundown." she sat down on the couch. To her surprise, he sat down gingerly next to her.

"This one is just a general psych book on various forms of abuse." he began, showing her the first book. "This one covers murder within families, with some case studies and testimony from family members. And this one deals with children that come from abusive family situations, from childhood to adulthood. It seems pretty extensive, and has a lot of coping strategies." The last book was particularly thick.

"What's this?" she picked up the last item, a slim, fabric-covered book with no title. When she opened it, she saw the pages were blank and ruled, notebook-style.

"It's a journal." Grissom stated. "I've been through these books, and in one it mentioned that writing down all your memories and how you perceive them is a good first step in empowering yourself and letting go of the past."

She stared at it. The fabric was a rich purple paisley, with a darker purple trim. He had obviously chosen it based on its appearance, with her in mind.

"It's very pretty." she said. "Wait – you read all these already?"

He looked embarrassed. "I skimmed through most of them. I have my own copies. I, um, highlighted parts in your copies that you might want to look at. I do expect you to read them, though, not skim them like I did." he looked at her sternly.

Sara couldn't believe he'd read them all; even skimming, it must have taken hours and hours of his time. She had a vision of Grissom sitting in his sterile apartment, tired after a day of office politics, reading psychology for hours that had nothing to do with him. She was amazed, to say the least. "I'll read them. I promise."

"And the journal? I really think it would be good for you to do that. I won't even read it. I just want to know if it helps when you finish, to go back and read it, analyze, that sort of thing."

"I've never thought about putting it all down." she admitted.

"I think now would be a good time." he replied, softly. "Oh, and I made you a list." He shuffled through his jacket pockets and produced a folded piece of paper full of his usual messy writing.

She took it. "A list of local groups." She smiled and shook her head. "You're thorough, of course."

"Of course." he said with a smile. He straightened his back and stood up. "I had better go; I don't want to be late these days. Promise me you'll do your homework?"

"Promise. I have a few days to go before I'm allowed back to work, after all. I've totally exhausted all my activity options already, so I won't have an excuse not to."

"I'll call you in the next day or two. I have to go be political now."

With that, he was out the door. Sara sighed and picked up the general psych book about abuse.

So Sara sat, a couple of days later, staring at the journal on the table. She'd kept her promise, and was well into all of the books Grissom had brought. The notebook idea scared her, though, more than she liked to admit.

Grissom had surprised her further by beginning to email her. He'd rarely emailed her in the past, and always from his work address. She'd been surprised when she saw the first message in her inbox from him, and from a new, non-work address. Obviously that would be safer. He had sent an email every day since then. They were short, usually just a few sentences regarding what she was reading and what was going on at work, but always, at the end of the message, there would be a short, personal comment. This morning the comment had been, _Thank you for doing this. I miss the Sara I used to know, and I hope to see her again soon._ He signed them, as usual, just _Grissom_. She sighed. Another huge step for Grissom, she knew, whether he reciprocated her feelings for him or not. She wanted so much to think that was what it was.

She knew he was having a very hard time communicating with her, and she knew also he was probably being forced to communicate more with everyone else at work, if he was going to pursue his political strategy. It had to be exhausting and frustrating for him. She figured the emails were a good way for him to avoid stumbling over his words in actual conversation with her, and to say things he probably wouldn't have the courage to say otherwise. So she wrote back promptly for every email, answering his questions seriously but keeping the tone light. She carefully didn't respond strongly to his personal comments, just basically thanking him for his concern, but she knew that would get harder.

She sighed, picked up the journal and a pen, and began to print carefully. She decided to start when she was seven years old; since that was the age she really became cognizant that all was not well in her household. At first, the sentences came painfully slow, but after awhile, she was surprised that hours had passed. She smiled grimly, went back and wrote what she thought about what she had written so far, and by then was exhausted. She'd filled pages and pages.

_This just might work after all_, she mused.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Putting It Down Ch. 3

Pairing: GS

Summary: What else happened when Sara went back to work?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Alliance Atlantis, and others own everything. No infringement is intended. Don't sue me. Just spacing out in my own little world.

Spoilers: Snakes, Nesting Dolls, etc. S5

_Real life is intruding this week. Thank you very much everyone for the reviews. Any comments are most appreciated, as I would really like to improve at this!_

_

* * *

_

Grissom arrived for work tired and with no small amount of trepidation. Today Sara was due back, they were backlogged as usual since the team had been split, and his sleep had been short and uneasy. Ecklie had mercifully avoided him most of the week, but he wondered how long that would last, especially now. At least he'd gotten Catherine out of the way.

She had come into his office a couple of days previous, walking with a singularity of purpose that left no doubt of her intent. Thankfully she'd been considerate enough to close the door. He'd had just a few seconds to prepare before she'd plopped down in a chair and fixed him with her steady, don't-mess-with-me-gaze.

"So." She stated. "Sara's going to be back soon."

He sighed and closed his laptop. "Yes." he replied neutrally.

She gave him one of her trademark looks: eyes rolling, mouth slightly open in impatience. "Well, I need to know where you're at, Gil. I'm still pissed, you know."

"I know you are, Catherine." he said evenly. "Let me just say, before you remind me…I know she blew up at you in the hallway. I know you had to address that…"

"She didn't even give me a chance to take it elsewhere!" Catherine exploded.

"Yes, and I know that put you in a bad position, doubled by the fact Conrad was right there zoning in on the conversation."

"Well, what would you have done if you were me?" she retorted.

"I don't honestly know. What I do know is, she lost her temper, you reacted to that, and I don't blame you for it. But," he said quickly, before Catherine could look _too_ vindicated, "there are reasons she was so on edge, and I can't divulge those reasons." He looked straight at her, waiting to get her attention. She paused, and when he was sure she wasn't going to interrupt him, he continued.

"You're just going to have to trust me on this, and know that I've handled it, and it won't happen again. All I can do is try to help her, and ask you to be patient about it."

Catherine searched his face, and Grissom tried to gauge her evaluation.

"I have to protect myself here, Gil. It's my career. And Ecklie was _right there_."

"I know." he said tiredly. "Everything that could go wrong, did. Sara could have gone about it another way, but she didn't." He knew that was a pretty lame statement, and wouldn't go very far assuaging Catherine's anger. But, to his surprise, she replied,

"She and I have had our differences. Sometimes it's been my fault, sometimes hers. Just try to keep her out of my way for a while. And Grissom," she paused, waiting for him to look her in the eye. "work it out. OK?"

He leveled his gaze at her. "I'm trying."

"Because if it comes down to a member of your team or me, next time, I might not keep my mouth shut. I'll try, because we're friends, and I know I owe you. But this – this is pushing it." She tried to lessen it by giving him a grin, but Grissom could tell she meant it.

"OK." he mumbled, and was glad when she stood up and briskly walked out of his office.

He thought, considering it was Catherine, that it had gone pretty well. At least he felt he could feel reasonably safe in assuming that Catherine would make an effort to steer clear of Sara her first few days back, and give her another chance – as long as Ecklie didn't complicate things.

He'd sent Sara an email that morning, welcoming her back to work and trying to gently remind her that he'd be available if she needed to talk. He knew he didn't need to insult her intelligence by reminding her what she'd be facing, or what was at stake. He'd decided that just letting her know he was there to listen was enough. Actually, he thought ruefully, that was pretty huge for him, and he knew she was probably thinking the same thing.

He really was trying to reach out to her. He didn't know where it would lead, but he reminded himself that it didn't really matter, and he didn't really have a right to hope it would lead anywhere. Even if it did, he still wasn't sure he could deal with it. Could she possibly understand why it was so hard for him? He didn't think so. He was scared, stressed, and tired, but even if he was a coward, he was sick of failing the one person he thought might be able to understand him, even if he never had an opportunity, or the courage to find out if she could. Considering all that she had been through, his problems were moot, really.

Ironic that Sara would probably see any actions on his part as pity, he mused, when the truth was that her confessions to him had been the impetus for seeing his own selfishness, for whatever reason, valid or not, as just that – selfishness, and cowardice. He was tired of thinking of those adjectives in conjunction with himself.

Sara took a deep breath and walked into the lab. She was ready, and she felt much calmer than she thought she would. She strode down the hall towards Ecklie's office, determined to get the hardest chore out of the way first. Ecklie was at his desk and alone. _Good,_ she thought. _I won't have to come back and psych myself up to do this again._

She knocked firmly on the doorjamb. Ecklie looked up with his usual smirk, but when he saw her he looked guarded, annoyed, and definitely dangerous.

"Sidle, I see you're back." he said cautiously.

She smiled politely, and then gave him her best serious look. "Yes. I wanted to you to know, I've been properly reprimanded. I've had a week to think about things, and I'm confident I can continue work at my previous level of performance, with my temper under control. I apologize for letting that case get to me emotionally. It caused me to act unprofessionally, and I won't let it happen again."

She waited for his attack. She was determined not to apologize to him personally, and she knew he would probably push that issue.

Ecklie gave her a saccharine smile. "Glad to hear that, Sidle. I'll expect nothing less. We do have boundaries, and I do expect some evidence from you that you know yours, especially where supervisors and the workplace are concerned…"

Sara groaned inwardly, knowing what was coming. Suddenly, her beeper went off. She looked down. _My office, ASAP. GG._

She looked up at Ecklie, trying to look worried. "Sorry, I've got to get to Grissom's office…must be a rush on something. Thanks." Sara beat a hasty exit out the office and down the corridor, hardly believing her luck.

Greg peeked around the edge of a computer monitor, from his vantage point across the hall. He thanked the powers that be once again for the lab's many glass walls. _Mission accomplished_, he typed into his pager. He grinned as he made his way to the break room for assignments.

The shift went fairly smoothly. Catherine, Nick and Warrick were busy on a separate case, and since it involved, of all things, a dead bear, Sara was relieved she wasn't involved and found it easy to avoid running into Catherine. Grissom immediately assigned her to work the case of a missing mother, and she did her best to perform quickly and professionally.

She thought about stopping by Grissom's office on her way out, just to thank him for his concern and efforts to help her on her first day back, but he was already gone. She went home, read for awhile and wrote in her journal, and when the normal world was awake and at work, she forced herself to make some phone calls until she found a support group she thought she could stomach. She typed a reminder for the next meeting date into her calendar and sat back, exhausted for once.

The phone rang, and seeing it was Grissom, she answered.

"I hope I didn't wake you." he said.

"No, I'm still up."

"I was wondering if I could stop by, just for a minute." He sounded a little unsettled.

"Um, sure."

"Actually I'm in your parking lot." Grissom admitted.

Sara laughed. "Come on up."

She opened the door to see him trudging up the stairs, and after getting them both some coffee, they sat down. To her surprise he actually sat next to her on the couch, although he left plenty of room.

Sara figured this was going to be the start of the visits he had told her he was planning on, to discuss the books he'd picked out, and to pick her brain to see how she was doing. But Grissom looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"I wanted you to know something before you hear a twisted, rumor-laden version at work. I don't know how to broach it, so I'm just going to tell you." He paused, and she watched him warily.

"Sophia came to my office at the end of shift to inform me she's going to start looking for a position elsewhere. She wants to leave the lab."

_That wasn't so bad_, Sara thought. "Well, I know it will leave us really short-handed, but I can't say I blame her, considering her situation. Or that I'll really miss her, either." Sara replied. Grissom shifted awkwardly.

"True." He said. "I um, asked her out to dinner."

Sara tried very hard not to show any outward sign, but she felt immediate disgust. Sophia, who had that same night gloated over the fact she'd been at Greg's apartment? She didn't like Sophia, she was such an obvious flirt, and there seemed to be evidence that at least some of the guys in the lab had taken advantage of that.

_Well, why not Grissom too,_ she thought dismally. She'd been flirting with him the same as everyone else. Just tonight Sara had seen yet more evidence of that. Of course then she had managed to dismiss it, when she'd delivered Grissom's lab report and walked up to see Sophia leaning in towards him at the table. _Was I that obvious and pathetic?_, she had wondered. She had chosen at that point to blow it off and trust him. Now, she wasn't so sure. She wasn't sure if she cared, either.

Grissom saw the walls coming down; saw her eyes glaze. She didn't look jealous, she looked almost cold. "Wait, that came out wrong. Let me finish."

"Grissom, it's really none of my business." she stated flatly.

"I asked her because I was hoping to convince her to stay, at least until I could get a replacement. More importantly, if she's leaving, I wanted to see if she'd give me all the dirt on Ecklie that she knows. Remember I told you I was going to have to be more political?"

Sara looked almost neutral. "I remember."

He was silent, watching her. "So what happened?" she finally asked.

"She's going to stay for at least a couple of weeks, but that's it."

"Did she have any info on Ecklie?"

"Yes." Grissom smiled. "A _lot_ of info. Which I need to keep to myself, so please don't be offended. Just know I got my trump card."

Sara gave him a small smile, and he waited and watched her, but she didn't say anything. Grissom wasn't quite sure what he should expect. A part of him selfishly wanted her to be jealous, and a part of him wanted to just come out and confess to her that he wanted so badly to start over with her. He knew now was not the time for that. As usual, the timing was terrible.

"Look, I appreciate you telling me all of this, but you shouldn't feel like you have to." she finally said. "It's really none of my business, I know that now, and I'm not going to let it bother me like I might have in the past. I want us to be friends, like we used to be, and you initiated the chance for us to rebuild that. It means a lot to me."

Grissom looked decidedly confused. "I just…didn't want you to hear any stupid rumors at work and take them…seriously." he stammered.

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "And I'm glad you warned me. But even if the rumors were true, I'm just saying you don't have to worry about me freaking out if you decided to date Sophia, or whatever."

_I'm not worried about you freaking out,_ he thought dismally. _I'm worried about you deciding not to give me another chance._ _What the hell do I say now?_

"OK." He sighed. He was just so tired. Maybe she was just trying to be strong. He certainly couldn't blame her for being over-cautious where he was concerned. "I just don't want you to think I have a thing for Sophia, because frankly, she makes me a little squeamish."

She beamed at him then, and he wondered if he'd actually managed inadvertently to say the right thing for once.

"She even makes Greg a little squeamish." Sara laughed. Grissom smiled in relief.

"So when are you going to grill me on these books, Professor?"

"What, you're done with them already?" Grissom said in disbelief.

"I read fast. And before you ask, yes, I've been writing everything down, I'm almost done with that, and I have a meeting to go to this week."

"Do you have any more coffee?" he asked hopefully.

"Uh huh."

"Do you need to get some sleep?"

She snorted.

He smiled. "OK, might as well be now. At least, until _I_ need to get some sleep."

She stood up next to him and turned towards the kitchen. He stopped her, putting a hand lightly on her shoulder. She stopped where she was, less than a foot from him.

"Are you sure you're not angry with me?" he asked, searching her eyes. She stared back, and shook her head after a few seconds.

"No." she said.

"I'd rather be here than anywhere else." He smiled, and then sat down quickly and opened one of her books.

Sara tilted her head, started to say something, gave up, and went into the kitchen.

When she came back to the couch with the coffee he was still smiling, almost hopefully. He handed her one of the opened books as she sat down, and she smiled back.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Putting It Down Ch. 4 

Pairing: GS

Summary: Who are you and what did you do with Grissom?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Alliance Atlantis, and others own everything. No infringement is intended. Don't sue me. Just spacing out in my own little world.

Spoilers: Snakes, Nesting Dolls, etc. S5

_I'm finally wrapping this up. Warning: fluff ahead. Thanks to all who have been so kind to read, review and hang in there this far!_

_

* * *

_Putting It Down Ch. 4

Work was relatively calm over the next few weeks. Although the Ecklie cauldron continued to simmer, everyone became aware he could be hiding just out of sight during their conversations and adjusted accordingly. Catherine's misfortune at having her memory card stolen from her camera at a scene and thus having to endure Ecklie also served as a lesson. While everyone was a little paranoid watching out for Ecklie, the situation had the unexpected and pleasant side effect of bringing the swing and graveyard shifts a little closer together in order to look out for each other.

Sara continued to do well at work, maintaining her cool and doing her work with a new level of competency that was seemingly calm and collected, but also deadly accurate, thorough and precise. She made up her mind to own any crime scene she walked into, and did so with a grace she hadn't possessed before, rather than her former desperate intensity. Warrick was the first to notice it during an interrogation, while he and Catherine watched behind the glass as Sara calmly roasted a suspect, trapping him into admission almost before Brass had even had a chance to play 'good cop.'

"Man, did you just see that?" Warrick shook his head.

Catherine nodded in admiration. "She's kicking butt lately."

Warrick looked pensive. "She's more like Grissom every day. Scary."

Somewhere a light bulb went off in Catherine's head, but she kept quiet with a small smile.

Grissom had noticed Sara's performance also, of course. He knew it had a lot to do with the multiple sessions he and Sara had shared recently, poring over the psychology books and talking at length about them. At first she'd been hesitant to talk, and he was _always_ hesitant to talk, but it had gotten easier and soon she was full of words and analyses. When he gently prodded her into actually applying what she'd learned to help herself, they had hit another wall. It took him awhile to figure out she was still afraid he'd see her as 'damaged', so he tried to assure her that wasn't the case. He reminded her of her accomplishments in spite of it all, and her recent progress. She'd also been going faithfully to meetings with a group of people that shared pasts of dysfunctional families, abuse and foster care. After the first couple of meetings, she'd actually admitted to him that she liked going, and he hadn't even had to prod her with continuing.

It had all been very exhausting for Grissom in the beginning, but it was getting better. He figured that when Sara was finally able to put her past to rest, if they ever had a normal, outside-of-work conversation, his chances of feeling relatively comfortable and not screwing up should be fairly good. He hoped so, because he was having increasing trouble keeping his thoughts strictly on the task of helping Sara when he was near her. Her increased ease with him, the trust she showed by allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of him, reminded him of how their relationship used to be. He couldn't kid himself he didn't want her, badly, when he didn't have the luxury of retreating to his townhouse after work but found himself sitting on Sara's couch instead. More often than not she'd be sitting right next to him, and he'd find himself up to his old tricks, like leaning in close to her…much more dangerous in Sara's apartment than at work. Even more confusing was the fact that Sara didn't react at all when he invaded her personal space. At most she'd give him a momentary, level gaze, and then she'd continue talking like nothing had happened. He wasn't sure if she was determined to concentrate on the task at hand or was giving him a dose of his own medicine.

Sara was pleased with her progress. Her nightmares had lessened, her concentration had improved, and her tendency towards melancholy when she thought of the past had all but gone. She wondered about Grissom, but determinedly put those thoughts into the back of her mind. It was difficult, but she was determined that he make the first move, if in fact that was what he was up to. She just couldn't deal with him bouncing back and forth anymore, and wasn't willing to risk the fact that they'd managed to repair their relationship, somewhat, by her misinterpreting his maddeningly subtle behavior. She was actually pretty proud of herself for that.

Finally, one morning came where Grissom was due to come over and she had absolutely nothing left to talk about except the fact that she'd finished writing in her journal. She was extremely nervous about showing it to him. He hadn't mentioned it, but she didn't know what else they had left to talk about.

Grissom knocked tentatively a second time, and Sara opened the door grinning sheepishly, rubbing her still-wet hair with a towel.

"Hi," she said breathlessly. "I'm sorry, not very organized this morning."

She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but it didn't keep his brain from instantly obsessing over the fact she'd just taken a shower. Sara. Shower. Naked. Grissom swallowed and pushed a bag towards her.

"I brought ridiculously expensive coffee." he blurted.

"Sweet!" she grinned. "Come on in."

Grissom momentarily thought about sitting on the chair instead of the couch. He stared at the furniture as Sara made coffee-making noises in the kitchen. The chair would be safer.

_She smells good, and I don't care about being safe_, he decided. He sat on the couch.

Sara plopped down next to him with the coffee and looked at him directly. "Umm, I'm not sure what we have left to talk about."

Grissom looked stricken. "What? Why?"

"Well, we've gone through your books. I've talked all about this to death, from all angles, and you've been very sweet and patient about it. I'm happy with the group I've been going to, and I'll continue going. It should take a load off of you, having to listen to me." she smiled tentatively at him.

He tried to smile back. "I don't mind, Sara."

"I did finish putting it all down in the journal." She sighed.

He looked at her. "Did it help?"

"Yeah." Sara said emphatically. "Yeah, it did." she picked the journal up from the table, and held it toward him gingerly. "Here."

His fingers touched hers as he took it. He looked at her, confused.

"I guess you could read it." she said quietly, looking away from him.

Grissom put the book back on the table. "I never intended to read it. I…will if you want me to, but it was meant purely as an exercise to help you, and if it helped, then I'd say put it away. Take it out and read it again when you're feeling overwhelmed again, about all that stuff. Read the parts that showed you…showed you that you were getting over it all. You've put it down…that's what matters."

She nodded, still not looking at him. "So…what do we do now?" she asked.

He waited for her to look at him, but she didn't. She was overwhelmingly beautiful, turned away from him in profile. She looked at the same time strong enough to fight an army and maybe, just maybe, weak enough to want someone – _Me!_ His brain screamed – to protect her. He couldn't stand it anymore.

He moved closer to her. He reached out and put one hand lightly against her cheek, turning her head toward him.

"I know what I _want_ to do." he managed to get out. She stared at him, her lips pursed like she was going to speak. Before he could let himself think about it, he moved in and pressed his mouth to hers, very gently. He felt her body stiffen, and he backed off slightly, but to his relief her eyes remained closed and she relaxed, waiting to see what he would do. He kissed her again, and this time she responded, pressing her mouth against his. Her lips were impossibly soft and her shampoo smelled like lavender. He tilted his head and took first her top lip, then her bottom, between his. She reciprocated, then pulled back to look at him, still silent. Her eyes were questioning and intense. She reached up and put a hand behind his neck, and he leaned forward and began kissing her cheekbone and jaw. By the time he got back to her mouth her eyes were closed again. She sighed and opened her mouth under his. He wondered dizzily if this was a good thing and touched his tongue to her upper lip. When he felt her tongue meet his, he couldn't think anymore and dove into a full exploration of her mouth. It was better than he had ever fantasized it would be, and though it had been a long time, there was no doubt just kissing Sara was more erotic than anything else he'd ever felt, with anyone.

Sara felt like she would explode. Initially she felt unbelievable exaltation that all her suspicions were confirmed. He did want her. Despite his trepidation and shyness, he was very good at this. There _was_ a huge reserve of passion lurking under the stoicism, as she'd always suspected. More than she'd suspected – she was having trouble keeping from being totally overwhelmed by her emotion. The scariest part was, she could tell that at least right this second; Grissom was going completely on raw emotion. She'd always thought that was what she wanted, but had never expected him to give over this completely. She couldn't turn her brain off despite what he was doing to her body. She couldn't block out an image of him retreating once he realized what he was doing.

When he started tasting the base of her throat, moving up to behind her ear, she knew she'd better stop things before they reached the point of no return. She shifted her face to his, kissed him hungrily, and pulled back. The color in his eyes was swirling and she could barely look at him.

"Wait…" she managed to get out.

He knew immediately by her tone that something was wrong. _I'm too late,_ he thought. _She still doesn't trust me and she doesn't want to risk it anymore._

He tried, and failed, to calm down. "I shouldn't have pushed things…I'm sorry." he said miserably.

She shook her head furiously. "No, no, it's not that." She forced him to look at her. "Don't you _ever_ think I don't want this. Ever. I mean, that was…wow." she tried a slight smile. "Who are you and what have you done with Grissom?"

He almost smiled at that. "If this is who you really are, who you can be," she continued, "then I am…astounded. But I'm sorry, I just have to know, I mean, I don't want you kissing me because you're relieved I'm OK now. Or because I'm 'fixed' now."

He looked shocked.

"It's just, you surprised me here. I'm not sure what to think. I'm not just needing stereotypical female reassurance here, Grissom. You know I want to be with you," she softened her voice, "but I want you to want me back for the right reasons."

He'd pulled away from her and leaned back against the couch, and his expression had become increasingly disturbed. She figured she'd really done it, now. He might go back into his shell and she'd never see what she had just seen again, but Sara knew she had to lay some rules.

"Let me get this right, Sara." he began. "You're afraid what I just did was only because you're OK now? Like you were too much of a risk emotionally or something, before? Or that I only did it out of pity, or something?"

"Something like that." she murmured. "You sound angry."

He let out a huge sigh. "No, I'm not angry! I'm just…frustrated, I guess." He leaned toward her again. "It's my own fault. We both know I've waited and waited, and there have been multiple times when you reached out and I screwed things up worse each time. What you don't know is, I wanted you anyway, all of those times. I've wanted you…since the beginning, and I just expected you to know that, I guess, and when I decided I wasn't…good enough for you, or that I was too scared of you, I expected you to understand that, too. At my worst I figured hurting you then was better than hurting you worse later, when you figured out I wasn't good enough and left."

She stared at him. "You've been thinking about this a lot."

"Umm, yes. Especially recently. I've been trying to fix myself, too, Sara. I had a good role model…to follow."

She was silent for long moments, and he couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Do you still think all that stuff, Grissom? That you're too much older than me, that…" she snorted, "you're not _good_ enough…for me, that I'll play with you and leave you?"

"Yes." he admitted. "Not as much, but yes, a good deal of the time."

He took his finger and ran it from her cheek down across her mouth. "The difference is, Sara, I don't care. I've been an idiot and wasted a lot of time, and I want you. You have every right to tell me to go to hell. If you do decide to try, you may very well decide you can't put up with me, and you might see some cute younger guy and leave me cold. I've just decided I can't stand to live the rest of my life without trying, as hard as I can, to be with you, and to be whatever it is you think I am or expect me to be. I want that."

He paused.

"I would never, ever, be with you out of pity or relief, Sara. That hurts that you would think that, although I probably deserve it. I worry about _you_ being with _me_ for those reasons, but when I think of you, it's definitely not in that way."

Sara couldn't think of a thing to say.

"I'm going to go now. I hope I haven't screwed things up."

"Grissom, no…" she started.

He got up, and she followed him to the door. "It's OK, let's sleep on it, shall we? Whatever you decide, I'll do. You're off tomorrow, you can think about it. I'll be at home after work, you can call or come by."

She looked at him, exasperated. "Grissom…don't run away."

"I'm not. I think I pushed you, and I don't want to do that. If you decide you want to pursue this, I want to do it right. You know, expensive dinners, buy you presents, all that." he smiled, and she tried to smile back.

Suddenly he leaned in and kissed her, gentle but raw, barely contained. He had to have one more in case she decided she didn't want him. Sara knew what he was doing, so she kissed him back just as fervently.

"I've loved you from the start." he whispered in her ear. "I'm running away now." He gave her one of his trademark smirks, and then he was out the door, shutting it behind him.

When she was able to come to her senses, Sara was furious.

"Shit!" she fumed. "Like I'm going to be able to _sleep_ now!"

Grissom wasn't much use at work the next night. What little sleep he had gotten was full of dreams about her, and while that wasn't unusual, the intensity level of them had definitely been kicked up a few notches. He was very, very glad Sara was off that night, because by the time he got there, he wasn't sure if he would have been able to maintain his composure around someone like Catherine if Sara was anywhere near him.

He'd never wanted anyone or anything this much. The periodic ache he'd often felt about Sara was now constant, and he now understood why men went to war over women. He was completely befuddled by it. It hurt and yet he wanted it to last always. He knew it wasn't just lust, those feelings about her were quite different and a lot more obvious. But he hadn't expected the ache to get stronger after just a few kisses.

He had no idea what she would do, either, and that was making him a nervous wreck. He didn't think she would toy with him, although she would be justified if she did. Sara was fair; she'd let him know _something_ today. Every minute that went by made him feel worse about his years of ambiguity with her. If he'd made her feel like this, he couldn't believe she was still around. She had every right to make him go slow, and he didn't honestly know if he could stand it.

Catherine didn't miss much. She did a double take as she breezed by him in the hall.

"You look like crap." she said brightly.

"Very observant are you." he tried to brush her off with a weak Yoda imitation. It didn't work. She followed him to his office and stood across his desk, peering at him. "Seriously, are you OK?"

"Yes. Didn't get much sleep. Thank you." he tried his abrupt tactic, which usually made her leave.

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Bad case?"

"No."

"Ecklie?"

"No."

"How's Sara?"

"No - What?"

Catherine grinned triumphantly. "Mmmm, so it's something to do with Sara. Work?"

"Catherine, go away."

"Did you piss her off again?"

"NO."

"Well, my guess as a trained observer is that something's up, and if I had to make a bet, I'd say she's giving you a dose of your own medicine."

"You're just speculating. Please go away."

"I am, huh? You've never looked like this before. Take my advice, for once, will you?"

"Looked like what?"

She smiled sympathetically. He glared at her.

"Stay in tonight and do some paperwork. Then for the sake of all our sanity, will you two _please_ work it out? Otherwise I'm going to lock you both up in a small room myself."

"You can –"

"Leave now. I'm going." she smirked.

He did take her advice, though, and spent as much time as he could in the office. Then he went straight home. There were no messages on his machine and no emails on his personal account. He took a shower, straightened up his house and sat nervously. He started thinking about the few relationships he'd had, and how badly they had gone. He started wondering if maybe the Buddhists were right about the theory of karma – present and past lives affecting the present. He was making a list of possible atrocities he must have committed in a past life when the doorbell finally rang.

Sara had finally decided to go to Grissom's house, rather than calling. She wanted to see his reactions as well as hear them, since it was so hard to tell what he was thinking. She wanted all the evidence she could get. He had, after all, told her she could come by, which he had never done. All the conversations they'd shared had taken place at her place, on the phone, or a few times at diners after work. Grissom never invited anyone into his cave; it was his sanctuary. She knew Catherine went there infrequently but usually only when she really needed to talk to him or if she was worried about him. Sara decided to go with her gut and take his invitation as deliberately symbolic.

"Hi Sara." He was suddenly 15 years old and stupidly shy again.

"Hi." She took in his rumpled hair that looked like he'd been wringing his hands through it, and wondered for the millionth time if he had any idea how cute he was.

He stepped back and motioned her in. She stayed where she was.

"Umm, I decided to come over rather than calling, because I wanted to see your reactions as well as hear them."

He felt his heart sink. That didn't sound good.

"I also thought it was kind of weird that you invited me to your house…you always come to my house. I'm not sure if it's a territorial thing or a symbolic thing…" she faltered.

"I…would say it's the latter." he stammered.

She took a step towards him into the house, and another until she was nose to nose with him.

"Grissom, if we're going to do this, if you're going to let me in, I want you to let me _in_. I know you're scared; so am I. But I've proven I can talk to you, and you're going to have to do the same. I don't want to have to see you face to face because I can't have any guess at what you're thinking on the phone. I want to know what you're thinking by the sound of your voice, and what you're thinking if you look at me and don't say a word. We had a pretty good start on that once, and we need to do it again. Because I want this to _work_."

He let out a huge breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"OK." He stared at her intensely, and she had no problem for once seeing what was in them.

"So can I come in?" she asked.

"Yes, please." He reached behind her and pushed the door shut, and she wrapped both arms around his neck. At the feel of her stretched lengthwise against him, he realized he was quickly losing the ability to think.

"What about…presents and expensive dinners?" he asked earnestly.

"I'll hold you to that later. I'm kind of impatient right now."

She kissed him quickly, then moved to his ear, and whispered, "You know I love you too, right?"

He nodded, and thought how simple it was to quit over-thinking around her. He tried kissing her long and slow, but it accelerated rapidly when she ran her tongue around his mouth. He gave in willingly. _This is all it takes, why did it have to be the one thing I was so scared of?_ He wondered.

That was his last coherent thought for a long while.

End.


End file.
